Years ago, my best friend called me “love anorexic” (which is a SLAA term in case anyone is wondering) and at the time she was correct…

I wanted love more than anything, but this was the one area I could not figure out if my life depended on it. This was a very dark part of my life for years - despite dating truly wonderful men. Eventually I met one that was so good to me, it ended up sending me back to therapy.

Already having a decade of therapy under my belt, I hired the best, most experienced integrative therapist I could find (and he was truly excellent.)

I happily admit the importance of therapeutic tools, nervous system regulation, exposure therapy, somatic exercises, the works! These modalities have changed my life…

But they did not get me the love I wanted.

At a certain point I reached a threshold where the effectiveness of therapeutic tools seemed to cap out.

No matter how polished my baggage was, or how nonviolent my communication was, or how regulated I was, or how seemingly perfect I executed everything… all I had to show for it was a plateau in my love life.

Eventually I realized my attempts to sanitize all the humanity and drama out of my love life was the true culprit.

Instead of the man I desired being inspired to sweep me off my feet, I was giving… robot. Corporate meeting. Lifeless corpse.

Trust me when I say the path to a juicy, love relationship of a lifetime is not paved with therapy sessions and “I need to talk to you about this issue…”

There’s a reason why you pay a therapist $150/hour - because therapy is work.

One night in 2020, I was in the bath feeling sad about the state of my love life which was about as interesting as a loaf of white bread. While a truly wonderful man was in the picture… I had sanitized my emotions to such an extreme degree everything was flatlined.

I concluded therapy was getting me absolutely nowhere. While it served a purpose for a time, it was not going to get me the love that I deeply wanted.

I got out of the bath and drafted one of those forbidden text messages you’re never supposed to send. The long ones where you pour your heart out. At the time, I viewed it as messy, dramatic, and emotionally reckless.

And I was certain he would reject me.

I sent it anyway.

He texted back asking to see me immediately.

Then I was on his couch having a conversation with him.

The next thing I knew, we were making out before he picked me up and carried me up two flights of stairs…

Needless to say, it ended up being one of the most romantic nights of my life.

Fast forward all these years later, what I can tell you is that therapy is less and less relevant every day, and my love life continues to get more and more vibrant every day.

As someone who lives and breathes personal development I can tell you one of the main things I work on with people is their application of tools. Therapy is just like any other tool that can be used in excess or at the wrong time.

And these days… it’s absolutely killing the magic in relationships. Just spend 5 minutes watching dating content on social media and you will find hoards of women turning everything into a therapy session.

For all my personal development junkies, just consider, maybe more therapy isn’t the answer.

The next time you want to have yet another fruitless therapy session with your man, ask yourself if you should be paying him $150 for his time.

Ask yourself what kind of love you want, honestly. Do you want a never ending string of interactions that feel like clinical sessions? Or do you want a passion fueled, polarized, juicy, love affair of a lifetime?

Just know that robots are not known for their passion, intensity, and depth of love - so I don’t suggest acting like one… If you want a relationship that is going to rock your world, some drama is required.

And if this has landed for you, I would go take a look at Juicy… which is my antidote to all this excess therapy.